October 10th, 2026.
This is some of the most horrific religious abuse I have read about from a supposed traditional community. The Benedictines of Mary in Gower was the first community I ever visited for a discernment visit in 2015. We all know them for their amazing Gregorian Chant and Polyphony. I knew immediately the Benedictine charism wasn’t for me, but it deeply saddened to me to read Rachel Porter’s testimony. It was incredibly brave of her to share her story and in such precise detail. Our dear friend and benefactor who I quoted last time had this to say about Rachel:
From Rachel’s testimony it appears that there were major issues with her [the Mother Abbess] and her leadership which is why she was replaced by Mother Cecilia after a visitation. I was very disappointed to read the letter from the superior of the Illinois Poor Clares to Mother Cecilia warning her about Rachel’s calumny. Rachel’s testimony is very exact and names persons and details events and should not be dismissed as calumny. She also identifies herself and reveals her own weaknesses and failings. It seems these places all protect each other, much like the bishops and religious superiors who hid abuse and protected the priests instead of helping the victims.
The trend that I have noticed is that communities with these problems protect each other just as mentioned above, and cover up for each other’s crimes. YES, CRIMES. Rachel’s story just proves again and again what I have said: the office of Mother Superior should be totally banned by a future pope. I am also deeply disturbed and righteously angry at the trad priests who cover up for this type of abuse for fear of “stepping on the Mother Superior’s toes.” Really? Grow up! Pledging allegiance to anti popes and handing over authority as a priest to a Mother Superior is NOT holiness. It’s total effeminacy and perfectly displays the sin of Adam. I know of many priests who know of the type of abuse that takes place in Jesus, Mary and Joseph Carmel foundations as well as the Benedictines of Mary who sit back, and do nothing. I can name them. I am very tempted. This is what effeminacy looks like today, and is exactly why I said before that God will chastise the world. Part of that punishment is bad priests and bad nuns.
Because Rachel’s testimony is so long, but worth the read, I only want to comment on two parts of her testimony I find absolutely essential to discuss:
1.) She shared how absolutely JOYFUL she was when she entered. She was so excited to give her life to Christ and be His bride and she was told at a Chapter meeting that because “souls are at stake, this is not a place of laughter.” She got in trouble… for being joyful. THAT is exactly EVERYTHING wrong inside of the religious life today. On the contrary, the most JOYFUL places in the world, and the most joyful young women on earth should be brides of Christ inside a convent. Why? Because serving Jesus and Mary is a JOY. Joy also tempers sadness. Christ LOVES a joyful giver. Joy is a weapon and I have seen from experience how joy and joy alone makes Satan squirm. That is why joy is a FRUIT of the Holy Ghost. I cannot tell you how many women I have seen lose their joy because it is STOLEN by a terrible convent experience like what Rachel went through in Gower. King Solomon was right when he said that Satan is ENVIOUS, and something I have noticed Satan be jealous of the most is true and genuine joy rooted in God. He will do all he can to steal and corrupt the joy that is the fruit that comes with one giving their life to Jesus. He wins when the joy is stolen. HOLD ON TO THAT JOY EVEN IF IT COSTS YOUR LIFE. Joy has saved me. And that joy came from Jesus and Mary. Don’t give Satan that power. He lost that joy when he chose to fall and so he can’t stand seeing it in the elect.
2.) The part about the “demonic outbreak” and how it led to the “digging up” of the incorrupt body of the founder was incredibly disturbing to me. But it also confirmed why I had a bad sense about it from the beginning. The Mother Abbess even tried to use the race card of “she’s black, so they can’t say anything” (eye roll) and the family ties to witch craft.
I can tell you from absolute experience that religious communities like the JMJ Carmels and the Benedictines in Gower try to hide their disgusting behavior behind The Latin Mass. “We have a visitation out for us because of The Latin Mass.” No, you have a visitation out for you because you’re creepy and are the reason Hollywood makes horror movies about nuns. I have already documented some years ago the problems with the JMJ Carmel I was part of (now known as Fairfield after Elysburg was closed down), and I have thought about posting my experiences for the sake of other young women who have reached out to me. I might even submit them to the convent reform website Rachel used. But I also know that the truth will one way or another come out with or without my own testimony, because Our Lord sees all and knows all. God is a just judge and I know without a shadow of a doubt that He will defend and come to the aid of His faithful brides in these convents who have suffered unspeakable abuse by these downright sinful “Mother Superiors” who want to be idolized and worshiped in place of God. They make idols out of themselves. If these Mother Superiors do not repent, they will go to hell, along with the many priests who do nothing. I say that because I have equal hope and faith in God’s justice AND mercy. There is a special place in hell for superiors. I will always be on the side of the victims as well as truth. If that hurts your feelings, that’s just too bad. I’ll kick up the dust in your face!
